Self-Care Tips to Help You Beat the Holiday Blues
Somehow, another year is already winding to a close and the holiday season is upon us. Despite this year’s reputation as the “most wonderful time of the year”, for many people, the holidays are a mixed bag. Even the merriest among us are familiar with that special brand of chaos and stress that this season brings as we hustle to keep up with an overflowing schedule and tick off the holiday to-do lists. And for others, this time of year reminds us of what we may be lacking in our lives, bringing up feelings of grief, financial strain, loneliness, and reminders of trauma of the past. These feelings may be made all the more piercing when they are laced with comparison to others and expectations that this “should” be a time of celebration, cheer, and merry-making.
If this sounds like you, know that you are not alone. The National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that 64% of people are affected by the “holiday blues” at some point during the season. This may include temporary symptoms of anxiety, depression, fatigue and loneliness associated with the extra stressors, unrealistic expectations and old memories that accompany the holidays.
Wherever you fall along the spectrum, from totally blissed-out to “fast-forward me to January”, everyone can benefit from taking an intentional approach to the holidays. Here are some self-care tips to help you make the most of the holiday season.
Create a routine of regular check-ins with yourself. Establishing a daily ritual in which you take time to center yourself can be extremely grounding during this hectic time. This might look like a morning meditation practice, journaling, exercise, a cup of tea in the evening, or just taking some mindful breaths. It may be helpful to set a reminder on your phone that pops up at the same time each day and reminds you to take a moment for an emotional check in. There are even a variety of mental health apps that can help you establish this routine. Whatever it is that resonates with you, the key is to prioritize this ritual so that it is something you can rely on happening every day.
Listen to your body. Along with regular mental check-ins, it is important not to neglect the body and the messages it sends us about what we are needing. Taking an intentional approach to meeting our body’s basic needs during this time (think hydration, good sleep, nourishing foods, getting in some type of physical movement, etc,) you will be in a much better position to successfully manage the mental and emotional stressors of this season. We all know the feeling of being run-down, physically exhausted, and then snapping at those we love. Taking care of our body’s needs, sticking to a regular routine as much as possible, and taking time to rest and recover, will help us actually enjoy the festivities and be our best selves for those around us.
Set boundaries and limits. For many people, celebrations with old friends and family can stir up longstanding emotional patterns and it is easy to fall back into old relationship dynamics that you know no longer serve you. To avoid this, set boundaries with yourself and others as necessary. This may look like establishing pre-set limits for how long you will stay at an event, getting clear with yourself on your limits of what you are willing to tolerate, and giving yourself full permission to say no to events and requests that threaten your mental peace and wellbeing. This is easier said than done, but in the end, taking the courage to do these things will set you up for more peace and ease this holiday season and help you avoid unnecessary setbacks in your mental health.
Set a budget and respect it. Setting boundaries also includes financial limits. Set a holiday budget and stick to it. Remember, a homemade gift or thoughtful handwritten card can often be far more meaningful to someone than an expensive new gadget. Avoid falling into the media messages that insist bigger is better and more money spent on someone equals more love for them. Simple, sincere gifts that come from the heart are the ones people truly cherish and remember long after the season comes and goes.
Practice gratitude. Establishing a gratitude practice this holiday season can help you truly get the most out of it. This can be an enriching practice for everyone, no matter how you feel about the holidays. For those of us who feel lonely and sad, it can help us tune into the little bright spots in your days and help focus attention on what we do have rather than what we don’t. And for those who do love this time of year, a gratitude practice can help bring more mindfulness to your celebrations and enhance your appreciation for the meaningful memories you are creating.
Seek out connection with others. When the holidays are a difficult time of year for us, it can be easy to fall into isolating ourselves to avoid feeling the pain of what is lacking in our lives. But in the end, isolating only makes us feel worse. Despite what we’re led to believe through societal messaging and on social media, you are very likely not the only one in your life struggling with this season. Try making low-key plans with someone who is in a similar boat and keep your expectations for others and yourself realistic. If possible, finding some companionship in the difficulty of this season and establishing a shared understanding that you can each show up as you are, can help lighten your moods and even create a deeper relationship through shared vulnerability. This might also be a good time to reach out or reconnect with someone you haven’t talked to in a while.
Make room for all types of feelings. It’s okay NOT to feel joyous or particularly excited about the holidays. Try practicing acceptance for whatever you are genuinely feeling and experiencing during this time and dismissing thoughts about what you “should” be feeling. You might be surprised to find that making space for your full, complicated range of emotions leaves you feeling a bit lighter and in a better place to appreciate the little things that do bring joy like a cup of warm tea, a holiday movie, a shared smile with a stranger on the street, or the company of a beloved pet. You might also try a self-compassion meditation to help generate feelings of nurturing and acceptance for what you’re going through. Try the RAIN method or these other self-compassion guided meditations.
Limit time on social media. Getting sucked into mindless scrolling on social media can take you away from the present moment and rob you of precious time, leaving you feeling more stressed and behind on what you may need to get done. It also can set you up to get caught in the dreaded comparison trap. When you feel that urge to reach for your phone, notice what you’re actually seeking at that moment – Distraction? Social connection? A break? Or is it just a relentless habit? When you can pause and notice what itch you’re trying to scratch by hopping on social media, you will feel more empowered to try and meet that need in a different way that will ultimately not be as much of a time, energy, or joy-sucker. If nothing else, use this pause to re-engage and become more present in whatever moment you are in.
Find ways to give back. Finding ways to make a positive contribution to your community is a great way to get out of your own head, reduce the feeling of drowning in your personal struggles, and give you a greater sense of purpose. It doesn’t have to be extravagant acts. Simple, caring actions can go a long way in providing hope for others, while also generating kind and positive feelings for yourself. Consider donating to a local food bank, attending a gift drive for kids in need, offering to help an elderly neighbor with a task, or bringing some holiday treats to your local fire station or to other essential workers who have to work on holidays. There are so many ways to be of service, and it can be nice to get creative and use your own interests and talents to give back.
Cope Ahead. Create a plan up front for how you will put these tips into action. Set aside some time, whether by yourself or with a trusted other (maybe your partner, therapist, or close friend) to mentally scan the horizon of your holiday schedule and anticipate challenges and triggers that might come up. Then, you can strategize the best way to cope before, during, and after certain events, such as a plan for how you will relax and unwind. You may also decide where it may serve you to set a boundary or say “no”. Simply being aware of what challenges we might encounter and having a game plan to handle them can be immensely empowering and counter the feeling that we’re completely at the mercy of our external circumstances.
Finally, seek support. Whether that be reaching out to a friend, going to therapy, finding a support group, or calling a hotline, it is important to remember that there is help available. The tips outlined above can help mitigate the pressures of the season, but sometimes when we are feeling so overwhelmed, isolated, and alone, we need to enlist extra support.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Dialing 988 will link you with 24/7 support. This is a great way to get help in the moment, as well as be connected to other local resources and mental health support.
The Crisis Textline – This is another resource available 24/7 and will connect you with someone to chat with in a difficult moment. Just text the word “HOME” to 741741.
Remember – you do not have to be feeling actively suicidal or in crisis to utilize these resources. The goal is to connect you with support before you get to that point. Know that no matter what you’re experiencing, you deserve help, and it is ALWAYS okay to reach out.
Start therapy – We at Westlake Trauma and Resilience are here to support you through the challenges of the holidays and beyond. If you feel like you could use help to navigate the season, please reach out. You do not have to do this alone.
